Sneaker Emotions

Some emotions are reliable, and it is easy to predict when they will arise. They are the steady ones experienced throughout the day, the week, the normal drone of life.
Recently, I have been surprised by a wave of sneak emotions. I tend to take advantage of the reliability of my "feels" - generally happy, generally optimistic, and generally a little slowed down after a string of cloudy days. These sneaker emotions came like a sucker punch in the gut. They appeared with zero warning yet invaded with optimal force. I despise the general feeling of sadness and often am guilty of covering them up with happiness (fake it till you make it, right?).
I have felt this set of sneaker emotions before and I hoped to not feel them again. A large portion of disappointment, an unhealthy pressure, a tinge of sadness, a darkening discouragement. When these sneaker emotions left me the last time, I remember pleading that I would not feel them again. I shook my finger at God and declared I was not strong enough to endure a second round.
It is tempting to cave to the popular idea that I have to be ok/fine/good. I believe the more courageous decision, however, is to allow oneself to feel all the feels sometimes.
And so today I decide to be brave. It takes far more courage to look these emotions in the eye and actually process and plunge deeper to the heart of their meaning than shoveling fake happiness over them. Growth is not easy and the adventure of experiencing the growing pains is rarely comfortable - but He who calls on the journey is faithful. Oh, He is faithful!
I was never created to be depressed, guilty, condemned, ashamed, or unworthy. I was created to be victorious. Victory does not mean never experiencing those feelings but it does mean I will have to look them in the eye and declare that in the end they do not have power over me.

I conclude with a quote by Edward Vernon Rickenbacker: "Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you are scared."
So today, though I am afraid, I will feel all the feels coursing through my veins. I will feel them, face them, and conquer them.
Today, though I am afraid, I will put my trust in Him who feels the feels with me but is the author of all peace and joy and fulfillment.