Fifty Shades of Grey: Musings.

I recently began plunging my way through the sometimes scandalous pages of Fifty Shades of Grey. This book more than any other I've read makes me feel like I need to justify my reasons for reading it due to the controversial reputation it has, especially in Christian circles. I will quickly summarize by stating that I simply believe it valuable to establish a personal opinion about this book so that I can participate and be informed in the conversations it spurs among my peers.

Though I am only halfway through the book, my opinions thus far are frustrated. The main character, Ana, is infatuated with her counterpart, Grey. Ana is innocent and inexperienced whereas Grey is filled with devilish tricks. Having known each other a short time, Grey presents Ana with a contract she must sign and obey exactly if she wants to be in a relationship with him. I scoff using the term "in a relationship" to describe what Grey wants from Ana.

If Ana agrees to this relationship contract, she must surrender everything about herself to him - her body, her mind, and her spirituality. She must make herself available to him at his every whim. She must sacrifice her friends and any sense of normalcy. She would no longer be able to make decisions for herself, think independently, or even wear the clothes she wants. She cannot even keep her name, but will rather be known to Grey as "The Submissive" (similarly, Grey would become "The Dominant"). If she agrees to Grey's terms, she will no longer be permitted to look him in the eye or touch him unless on command. The contract demands everything from her, but it is posed in such a way as to seem that it is for her benefit. She will be allowed to explore herself and her desires in a freer and safer manner.

I have yet to read to discover if Ana agrees, but I can only assume she does sign the contract and surrender every part of herself since there are three books in the series. The reader is held privy to the angst Ana has over this life-altering decision. Her wavering beliefs cause me to want to reach through the pages and shake sense into her. It seems obvious to an outsider that this contract will not benefit her life like Grey claims but rather will destroy every sense of well-being she once enjoyed.

I am judging Ana fiercely for even considering surrendering her soul to this man and struggling with the implied consequences.Though I have not had time to read to the point of the signing of the contract, I have had plenty of time to mull over the contents of the book.While solving linear equations in a dark and cramped room in my college, a thought hit me.

To what do I daily (and often willingly) surrender myself?

The first thing that comes to mind is fear. I allow fear to have power over physical aspects of my life, over my mind, over my well-being, and over my spirituality. Fear prevents me from living the abundant life I am offered in Christ. Instead of submitting myself to Christ, I obtained the title "Submissive" under Fear the Dominant. When I surrender to fear, I sacrifice the ability to make confident decisions and think independently apart from that domineering voice. In short, I am guilty of committing the same act for which I am judging Ana. I surrender myself to beings who want only to destroy and control me, fear and shame. They are quite the controlling duo when given reigning power. I allow their lies to take hold, the ones that tell me I am not enough. Not good enough, not fit enough, not smart enough, not Christ-like enough, not worthy enough, the list goes on. If I dwell on these lies, they lead to believing I am not acceptable enough to draw near to my Savior, look into His eyes, and be near enough to touch Him for Him to alleviate the fear and shame.

Though I use my fear and shame as a covering, they leave me vulnerable. I believe there is hurt in God's voice as he prods me out from my blanket of fear:
Who told you that you are not enough?
Who told you that you were ugly?
Who told you that your dream was foolish?
Who told you that I would not satisfy?
Who told you there is something you need outside of Me?

In Christ, I am not vulnerably dressed in my fear and shame. They hold no power other than what I give them.

"He has clothed me with the garments of salvation; He has covered me with robes of righteousness."