"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger"
I, along with countless other Christians, went through a phase where this popular song was proclaimed, wept, and featured at every gathering. It became cliche, and I never heard anyone mention the gravity of what the words were asking. There was no warning that God will indeed take our trust to places it has never been before. He will allow us to be stretched to the end of our rope so that He can rebirth us into strong and powerful beings. And as He urges our feet deeper than we've wandered before, somewhere in the clamor He will whisper oh-so-quietly, "Do you trust me? Do you still have your eyes on me, when it hurts so deeply and the waves are crashing in around you? Do you really trust me?" Suddenly we'll be in the new territory, a place of trust we've never been before. It is alarming yet it is exactly what we prayed for.
But, there was little warning that the simple line of the song might actually happen.
Because then the terrifying prayer came true. In the blink of an eye, my trust was taken to a place where it had no borders. The heart that had declared through many choruses that it would walk on the water sank in doubt. I hadn't been warned to listen carefully for the small voice asking for my deep and true trust. Being taken to a place where trust is without borders is uncomfortable. For me it came in the form of Heartbreak. Hurt. Stress. Uncertainty. Grief. Doubt. I allowed the Enemy in, to steal my faith, kill my joy, and destroy the strength I possessed to keep my eyes above the waves.
Time has now diminished the intensity of the circumstances and I realize the trust that Christ was trying to work into the core of my soul. Time does not have to heal all wounds. I waited on time; Christ did not come so that I could wait on time, or allow the sadness to run its course. He came so that I might have abundant LIFE and healing. The permeating healing that my heart desperately needed comes only through victory in Christ.
And today I am victorious. My victory does not mean I did not feel sadness. Rather, I remained in that place for far too long. I learned the sweet comfort of knowing that the One who brings me to victory also sympathizes with my weakness, he bears my sadness. I had to endure the grief to understand how deeply the Father cares for me. He who carries my burdens, who stretches my trust and faith, is faithful to carry me to victory.
When I was dead in my sin, He made it well with my soul.
When I doubted, when I was chained in sadness, He made it well with my soul.
When I did not trust, He made it well with my soul.
When I did not listen to the small voice, He made it well with my soul.
When I allowed the Wicked One to use lies to drown out His promises, He made it well with my soul.
When I went to the Enemy's camp to reclaim all he stole from me, He made it well with my soul.
Today as I stand in victory, it IS well with my soul.
Today as I choose to embrace healing, joy, and peace, it IS well with my soul.
This is my reason to sing: Through it all, IT IS WELL.
Showing posts with label Life Lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life Lessons. Show all posts
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Yoga's Life Lessons
Confidence and endorphins from a good workout led me tonight to add a longer yoga routine to my daily ritual (I definitely recommend this one!). I have my normal set of Sadie Nardini, Jillian Michaels, or BeFit yoga practices I enjoy but after a week of free styling my own practice I was in the mood for something structured and slightly different. Despite the familiarity of the poses, something about them felt especially challenging.
After holding each pose for what felt like an obscene length of time, Nardini's words, "Hold this pose for 3 more breaths" offered hope for shaky muscles and a tired mind. While inflicting such pain and weariness, however, Nardini repeatedly reminded that transformation does not come without pain. Transformation happens through the burn, the holding of poses, and the pushing through of those final breaths in the practice. Without those key ingredients, there is no transformation.
All of Nardini's talk of body transformation brought to mind a motivational (and, for once, not ominous) quote of Jillian Michaels. During one of her yoga instructions she states that "it's not about perfect. It's about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that's where transformation happens... It is not a future event, it is a present day activity."
Though these instructors mentioned transformation in relation to yoga, I find them true for life. Sometimes transformation cannot come without great pain. The sticky situations must be endured just a little longer and it may be tempting to give up or give in to discouragement when the best does not feel good enough. Life, however, is not about being perfect, it is indeed about effort. Transformation happens when effort is delivered. When the heart begins to shake from weariness the exhausted soul should not give up. Just as muscles have to shake and endure uncomfortable positions to see growth, the heart similarly must walk through fire. But push through; the path of seeming fire may lead straight to transformation.
I close with the words of C. S. Lewis:
"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: It would be a jolly site harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad."
After holding each pose for what felt like an obscene length of time, Nardini's words, "Hold this pose for 3 more breaths" offered hope for shaky muscles and a tired mind. While inflicting such pain and weariness, however, Nardini repeatedly reminded that transformation does not come without pain. Transformation happens through the burn, the holding of poses, and the pushing through of those final breaths in the practice. Without those key ingredients, there is no transformation.
All of Nardini's talk of body transformation brought to mind a motivational (and, for once, not ominous) quote of Jillian Michaels. During one of her yoga instructions she states that "it's not about perfect. It's about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that's where transformation happens... It is not a future event, it is a present day activity."
Though these instructors mentioned transformation in relation to yoga, I find them true for life. Sometimes transformation cannot come without great pain. The sticky situations must be endured just a little longer and it may be tempting to give up or give in to discouragement when the best does not feel good enough. Life, however, is not about being perfect, it is indeed about effort. Transformation happens when effort is delivered. When the heart begins to shake from weariness the exhausted soul should not give up. Just as muscles have to shake and endure uncomfortable positions to see growth, the heart similarly must walk through fire. But push through; the path of seeming fire may lead straight to transformation.
I close with the words of C. S. Lewis:
"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: It would be a jolly site harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad."
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Handiworks and Workmanships.
The words that kept repeating in my mind were, "Your handiwork is glorious!"
Because really, that's what it is. It is beautiful and glorious and majestic; there are hardly words enough to describe the goodness of God in His creation, and certainly too few words to describe the Creator. The heavens declare God's grandeur.
I have never once looked at a sunset or some other spectacular "handiwork" and scoffed at it. I've never seen it and stated, "You know, you really left a lot to be desired today. You actually are quite flawed. You didn't meet the mark of what I thought you should look like. Your colors were not vibrant, your originality was lacking, your beauty was in incomplete. Really quite inadequate."
Back up 8 hours in my day to my commute to school when I listened to Ephesians on the YouVersion app. Chapter 2 states that we are God's workmanship, created in Christ to do good works. When I think of handiwork I imagine something designed by hand but not requiring the degree of skill or technique that a workmanship might. Still valuable, still important, and still beautiful but not a workmanship. Workmanship... Generally, when I think of qualities of a workmanship I envision an artist at work before a tapestry. He devotes every waking moment to crafting something glorious that will bring fame to his name. He pours his creativity, his time, and possibly his very soul into his workmanship. A good artist will ensure that each of his masterpieces possesses a unique character of himself, as if he imparts a piece of his image to his work.
And when the artist completes his work, he takes a step back and admire his artistry. He will be proud of his work and overlook the flaws it might possess. He devoted his heart to creating it, why would he be quick to point out its shortcomings? He views it and sees its potential and goodness. He declares his art exceptional because it is his workmanship.
How fascinating that I cannot bring myself to speak negatively about the handiwork of God (his creation in nature) but daily speak harsh and disrespectful words to the workmanship (the image bearer). When I bask in the glory of creation, I bask in the very glory of God. The creation points to the creator. But I was struck that when I demote the creation, I likewise reduce the Creator.
I recently have found myself slipping into the nasty old (yet very familiar) pattern of self-disrespect. I notice only the shortcomings and inadequacies. I pick a fine tooth comb through failures, faults, undesirable events and incompleteness. Yet when I take this workmanship and declare it unsatisfactory, I imply that the Creator and his creativity are faulty.
And so this is a daily reason to sing. When the creator looks at this creation he sees his image bearer. He does not see it as possessing too much of this or too little of that. He chooses not to see the glaring faults or not-so-glorious inadequacies. If God can believe in the beauty of his workmanship, the workmanship should believe in the beauty, too.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Sneaker Emotions
Some emotions are reliable, and it is easy to predict when they will arise. They are the steady ones experienced throughout the day, the week, the normal drone of life.
Recently, I have been surprised by a wave of sneak emotions. I tend to take advantage of the reliability of my "feels" - generally happy, generally optimistic, and generally a little slowed down after a string of cloudy days. These sneaker emotions came like a sucker punch in the gut. They appeared with zero warning yet invaded with optimal force. I despise the general feeling of sadness and often am guilty of covering them up with happiness (fake it till you make it, right?).
I have felt this set of sneaker emotions before and I hoped to not feel them again. A large portion of disappointment, an unhealthy pressure, a tinge of sadness, a darkening discouragement. When these sneaker emotions left me the last time, I remember pleading that I would not feel them again. I shook my finger at God and declared I was not strong enough to endure a second round.
It is tempting to cave to the popular idea that I have to be ok/fine/good. I believe the more courageous decision, however, is to allow oneself to feel all the feels sometimes.
And so today I decide to be brave. It takes far more courage to look these emotions in the eye and actually process and plunge deeper to the heart of their meaning than shoveling fake happiness over them. Growth is not easy and the adventure of experiencing the growing pains is rarely comfortable - but He who calls on the journey is faithful. Oh, He is faithful!
I was never created to be depressed, guilty, condemned, ashamed, or unworthy. I was created to be victorious. Victory does not mean never experiencing those feelings but it does mean I will have to look them in the eye and declare that in the end they do not have power over me.
I conclude with a quote by Edward Vernon Rickenbacker: "Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you are scared."
So today, though I am afraid, I will feel all the feels coursing through my veins. I will feel them, face them, and conquer them.
Today, though I am afraid, I will put my trust in Him who feels the feels with me but is the author of all peace and joy and fulfillment.
Recently, I have been surprised by a wave of sneak emotions. I tend to take advantage of the reliability of my "feels" - generally happy, generally optimistic, and generally a little slowed down after a string of cloudy days. These sneaker emotions came like a sucker punch in the gut. They appeared with zero warning yet invaded with optimal force. I despise the general feeling of sadness and often am guilty of covering them up with happiness (fake it till you make it, right?).
I have felt this set of sneaker emotions before and I hoped to not feel them again. A large portion of disappointment, an unhealthy pressure, a tinge of sadness, a darkening discouragement. When these sneaker emotions left me the last time, I remember pleading that I would not feel them again. I shook my finger at God and declared I was not strong enough to endure a second round.
It is tempting to cave to the popular idea that I have to be ok/fine/good. I believe the more courageous decision, however, is to allow oneself to feel all the feels sometimes.
And so today I decide to be brave. It takes far more courage to look these emotions in the eye and actually process and plunge deeper to the heart of their meaning than shoveling fake happiness over them. Growth is not easy and the adventure of experiencing the growing pains is rarely comfortable - but He who calls on the journey is faithful. Oh, He is faithful!
I was never created to be depressed, guilty, condemned, ashamed, or unworthy. I was created to be victorious. Victory does not mean never experiencing those feelings but it does mean I will have to look them in the eye and declare that in the end they do not have power over me.
I conclude with a quote by Edward Vernon Rickenbacker: "Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you are scared."
So today, though I am afraid, I will feel all the feels coursing through my veins. I will feel them, face them, and conquer them.
Today, though I am afraid, I will put my trust in Him who feels the feels with me but is the author of all peace and joy and fulfillment.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
A Red Light Encounter
Today was one of those days.
Left alone with my weariness and overwhelmed thoughts after a hectic day of classes, I sat behind a long line of cars delayed by the seemingly-endless red light that separates the students from the free world. I had Jason Derulo's latest hit cranked to the highest possible decibel, bringing a strange sort of comfort to my exhausted mind and body. My dinner of an Atkins Diet snack bar was frozen in my lunch box. I am unsure whether the moisture on my face was rain or tears (probably a mix of both).
Out of my peripheral vision I noticed the man in the car next to me had his interior lights on and was frantically motioning for me to roll down my window. Not caring to turn down my music, I slowly lowered my window and stuck a tearful head out to hear him shout,
"Tell me what first comes to your mind. Who do you love?
"Uhh... God?" I said this with a slight eye-roll and scoff in my mind. This guy was obviously feeling as nuts as I was.
"Good," he nodded eagerly. "What do you love doing?"
To this I responded without hesitation. I might as well humor the poor man. "Yoga!"
"Love God and do what you love!"
I could hardly think of a response before he excitedly shouted again, "This saves lives. The world needs to hear and the world needs to know. Don't just keep it here, take it wherever you go. Love God and do what you love!"
Then the light was green. The man was gone. Jason Derulo was quickly silenced. And the jumbled "conversation" rattled joyously in my mind. Somehow this stranger (possibly Jesus, an angel, a man on a queer witnessing mission, a man just released from an asylum, or a figment of my imagination) knew the question I regularly contemplate and discuss. Granted, it is probably assumed that this question is asked by probably every college student. But by a strange chance he echoed a couple of beloved voices that have recently spoken into my life with words like "Love God with all of your being and do what you want. Your desires will be His and His will be yours" and "Ask not simply what the world needs but also what makes you come alive, and go do it."
Something about this encounter at the stop light shook my world a little bit. I've had time recently to think about my current top two choices for a college major: one option is secondary education with an English focus and the other is some sort of shebang of a major that combines exercise science/nutritionist/yoga instructor certification (there would then be further certifications I could obtain in the exercise science and nutrition fields). I have heard no profound direction from heaven as to which path to take so I continue to ponder and pray.
But this man made it sound so simple. Love God. Do what I love. Hearing these words in the specific context of yoga made it exceptionally exciting. It raised all sorts of possibilities. What a thrilling prospect to consider joining my love for God with my desire to improve not only my life but others' as well with the benefits of yoga. The fact that the man went a step further in saying not to keep this skill here but to take it with me wherever I go sends shivers along my wander lusting skin. How perfect to take both Jesus and yoga on traveling adventures.
I am uncertain how to process the unexpected words said by this unforeseen man. I feel almost silly for considering his words so seriously and allowing myself to become this awakened by them. I do not understand the meaning behind this chance encounter. But this I do know - God is so kind. He was acquainted with my tired and questioning heart and knew the encouragement I needed. He hears my daily question of "What would you have me do?" and cared enough to remind me not to drown my own dreams and desires. Tonight reminded me that it is okay (heck, it is good!) to dream something with an element of unknown, that requires one to walk courageously and imagine wild possibilities. It also reminded me that following God, the author of dreams, involves unexpected risk. Though I do not generally advise the risk of rolling down the window to converse with men on a rainy night.
I end with the words of T. E. Lawrence:
"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible."
Left alone with my weariness and overwhelmed thoughts after a hectic day of classes, I sat behind a long line of cars delayed by the seemingly-endless red light that separates the students from the free world. I had Jason Derulo's latest hit cranked to the highest possible decibel, bringing a strange sort of comfort to my exhausted mind and body. My dinner of an Atkins Diet snack bar was frozen in my lunch box. I am unsure whether the moisture on my face was rain or tears (probably a mix of both).
Out of my peripheral vision I noticed the man in the car next to me had his interior lights on and was frantically motioning for me to roll down my window. Not caring to turn down my music, I slowly lowered my window and stuck a tearful head out to hear him shout,
"Tell me what first comes to your mind. Who do you love?
"Uhh... God?" I said this with a slight eye-roll and scoff in my mind. This guy was obviously feeling as nuts as I was.
"Good," he nodded eagerly. "What do you love doing?"
To this I responded without hesitation. I might as well humor the poor man. "Yoga!"
"Love God and do what you love!"
I could hardly think of a response before he excitedly shouted again, "This saves lives. The world needs to hear and the world needs to know. Don't just keep it here, take it wherever you go. Love God and do what you love!"
Then the light was green. The man was gone. Jason Derulo was quickly silenced. And the jumbled "conversation" rattled joyously in my mind. Somehow this stranger (possibly Jesus, an angel, a man on a queer witnessing mission, a man just released from an asylum, or a figment of my imagination) knew the question I regularly contemplate and discuss. Granted, it is probably assumed that this question is asked by probably every college student. But by a strange chance he echoed a couple of beloved voices that have recently spoken into my life with words like "Love God with all of your being and do what you want. Your desires will be His and His will be yours" and "Ask not simply what the world needs but also what makes you come alive, and go do it."
Something about this encounter at the stop light shook my world a little bit. I've had time recently to think about my current top two choices for a college major: one option is secondary education with an English focus and the other is some sort of shebang of a major that combines exercise science/nutritionist/yoga instructor certification (there would then be further certifications I could obtain in the exercise science and nutrition fields). I have heard no profound direction from heaven as to which path to take so I continue to ponder and pray.
But this man made it sound so simple. Love God. Do what I love. Hearing these words in the specific context of yoga made it exceptionally exciting. It raised all sorts of possibilities. What a thrilling prospect to consider joining my love for God with my desire to improve not only my life but others' as well with the benefits of yoga. The fact that the man went a step further in saying not to keep this skill here but to take it with me wherever I go sends shivers along my wander lusting skin. How perfect to take both Jesus and yoga on traveling adventures.
I am uncertain how to process the unexpected words said by this unforeseen man. I feel almost silly for considering his words so seriously and allowing myself to become this awakened by them. I do not understand the meaning behind this chance encounter. But this I do know - God is so kind. He was acquainted with my tired and questioning heart and knew the encouragement I needed. He hears my daily question of "What would you have me do?" and cared enough to remind me not to drown my own dreams and desires. Tonight reminded me that it is okay (heck, it is good!) to dream something with an element of unknown, that requires one to walk courageously and imagine wild possibilities. It also reminded me that following God, the author of dreams, involves unexpected risk. Though I do not generally advise the risk of rolling down the window to converse with men on a rainy night.
I end with the words of T. E. Lawrence:
"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible."
Monday, January 6, 2014
New Adventures
"God is not only a God of the unexpected call, but also the unexpected fulfillment. When God gives the unexpected call do not run from it or ignore it. With the challenge comes fulfillment. Answer the unexpected call. Embrace the unexpected challenge. Rejoice in the unexpected fulfillment." (The words of a wise chapel speaker at Toccoa Falls College.)
One week from today I begin a new and unexpected adventure. I call it unexpected because had someone told me six months ago where I would be today I most certainly would not have believed them. Six months ago I had a stable plan for my life, though I was not overly excited about it (and we all know they saying about "the best laid plans often go astray"). I planned to move to school in Georgia for four years, get a solid education and achieve a degree, and find someone with whom to spend the remainder of my years. We would then live happily ever after traveling the world, drinking coffee, wearing TOMS, and reading inspiring books.
My four year stay in Georgia, however, turned into a four month stay that taught me more than I ever imagined. It taught me how to open my heart and my arms to those around me in order to establish a deep level of community. I learned that, though not always comfortable, in order to form such deep relationships certain levels of vulnerability and accountability are required. I know this will serve me well in my future as I continue to seek to create and grow relationships.
I had a glorified view of attending a private school and moving away from home, but an enhanced outlook is rarely realistic and things are not always as one imagines.
I determined how to make decisions (both serious and trivial) for myself which, as an indecisive person, can prove to be a very challenging task. While seeking to make the decision on my own to transfer to a school closer to home, I learned to seek God in a way that I had not done in the past yet confidently move forward.
A few months before leaving for Georgia when an attractive and Christ-loving Coast Guardsmen caught my eye in church, I told myself (and almost everyone around me) that anything more than being acquaintences would be impossible due to our age difference and varying life experience. I quickly realized in Georgia as this relationship blossomed that the word "impossible" needed to be eliminated from my vocabulary. Many months later, this Coastie has completely stolen my heart and I would have it no other way. (This also goes to show, "Never say never.")
I learned that God can use even my areas of glaring weaknesses for his glory.
I expected to learn great things in Georgia, but the greatest lessons were those that were unexpected. This, too, goes for adventures. I expected the adventures involved with moving but the ones that will stay in my heart and continue to bring joy are the ones that I did not see coming and took me by surprise. This is why I look forward to my new adventure starting one week from today. Though I expect it in general terms, I know that chances are I am not yet aware of the grand ones that will catch me off guard and be the most memorable. Many adventures will sneak up on me, some might shake my world a little bit, and some might make me feel overwhelmed, but those will be the ones to leave the greatest and lasting mark. They will be the ones to etch lessons in my heart, to strengthen me, to help me grow, and help me to see life from a new perspective.
I believe God not only gives the unexpected call but also beckons the brave on unexpected adventures. The One who calls on the adventures is faithful and offers unexpected fulfillment for those with hearts willing to accept the challenge.
Here's to Adventures!
One week from today I begin a new and unexpected adventure. I call it unexpected because had someone told me six months ago where I would be today I most certainly would not have believed them. Six months ago I had a stable plan for my life, though I was not overly excited about it (and we all know they saying about "the best laid plans often go astray"). I planned to move to school in Georgia for four years, get a solid education and achieve a degree, and find someone with whom to spend the remainder of my years. We would then live happily ever after traveling the world, drinking coffee, wearing TOMS, and reading inspiring books.
My four year stay in Georgia, however, turned into a four month stay that taught me more than I ever imagined. It taught me how to open my heart and my arms to those around me in order to establish a deep level of community. I learned that, though not always comfortable, in order to form such deep relationships certain levels of vulnerability and accountability are required. I know this will serve me well in my future as I continue to seek to create and grow relationships.
I had a glorified view of attending a private school and moving away from home, but an enhanced outlook is rarely realistic and things are not always as one imagines.
I determined how to make decisions (both serious and trivial) for myself which, as an indecisive person, can prove to be a very challenging task. While seeking to make the decision on my own to transfer to a school closer to home, I learned to seek God in a way that I had not done in the past yet confidently move forward.
A few months before leaving for Georgia when an attractive and Christ-loving Coast Guardsmen caught my eye in church, I told myself (and almost everyone around me) that anything more than being acquaintences would be impossible due to our age difference and varying life experience. I quickly realized in Georgia as this relationship blossomed that the word "impossible" needed to be eliminated from my vocabulary. Many months later, this Coastie has completely stolen my heart and I would have it no other way. (This also goes to show, "Never say never.")
I learned that God can use even my areas of glaring weaknesses for his glory.
I expected to learn great things in Georgia, but the greatest lessons were those that were unexpected. This, too, goes for adventures. I expected the adventures involved with moving but the ones that will stay in my heart and continue to bring joy are the ones that I did not see coming and took me by surprise. This is why I look forward to my new adventure starting one week from today. Though I expect it in general terms, I know that chances are I am not yet aware of the grand ones that will catch me off guard and be the most memorable. Many adventures will sneak up on me, some might shake my world a little bit, and some might make me feel overwhelmed, but those will be the ones to leave the greatest and lasting mark. They will be the ones to etch lessons in my heart, to strengthen me, to help me grow, and help me to see life from a new perspective.
I believe God not only gives the unexpected call but also beckons the brave on unexpected adventures. The One who calls on the adventures is faithful and offers unexpected fulfillment for those with hearts willing to accept the challenge.
Here's to Adventures!
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