Handiworks and Workmanships.

This is the sunset I followed all the way home after a long day at school. My heart was in awe of the beauty and creativity of God. I did not try to suppress my worship for the majesty but took advantage of the opportunity my commute provided me to bask in God's presence. 
The words that kept repeating in my mind were, "Your handiwork is glorious!"
Because really, that's what it is. It is beautiful and glorious and majestic; there are hardly words enough to describe the goodness of God in His creation, and certainly too few words to describe the Creator. The heavens declare God's grandeur. 
I have never once looked at a sunset or some other spectacular "handiwork" and scoffed at it. I've never seen it and stated, "You know, you really left a lot to be desired today. You actually are quite flawed. You didn't meet the mark of what I thought you should look like. Your colors were not vibrant, your originality was lacking, your beauty was in incomplete. Really quite inadequate." 

Back up 8 hours in my day to my commute to school when I listened to Ephesians on the YouVersion app. Chapter 2 states that we are God's workmanship, created in Christ to do good works. When I think of handiwork I imagine something designed by hand but not requiring the degree of skill or technique that a workmanship might. Still valuable, still important, and still beautiful but not a workmanship. Workmanship... Generally, when I think of qualities of a workmanship I envision an artist at work before a tapestry. He devotes every waking moment to crafting something glorious that will bring fame to his name. He pours his creativity, his time, and possibly his very soul into his workmanship. A good artist will ensure that each of his masterpieces possesses a unique character of himself, as if he imparts a piece of his image to his work. 
And when the artist completes his work, he takes a step back and admire his artistry. He will be proud of his work and overlook the flaws it might possess. He devoted his heart to creating it, why would he be quick to point out its shortcomings? He views it and sees its potential and goodness. He declares his art exceptional because it is his workmanship.

How fascinating that I cannot bring myself to speak negatively about the handiwork of God (his creation in nature) but daily speak harsh and disrespectful words to the workmanship (the image bearer). When I bask in the glory of creation, I bask in the very glory of God. The creation points to the creator. But I was struck that when I demote the creation, I likewise reduce the Creator. 
I recently have found myself slipping into the nasty old (yet very familiar) pattern of self-disrespect. I notice only the shortcomings and inadequacies. I pick a fine tooth comb through failures, faults, undesirable events and incompleteness. Yet when I take this workmanship and declare it unsatisfactory, I imply that the Creator and his creativity are faulty.

And so this is a daily reason to sing. When the creator looks at this creation he sees his image bearer. He does not see it as possessing too much of this or too little of that. He chooses not to see the glaring faults or not-so-glorious inadequacies. If God can believe in the beauty of his workmanship, the workmanship should believe in the beauty, too. 

Sneaker Emotions

Some emotions are reliable, and it is easy to predict when they will arise. They are the steady ones experienced throughout the day, the week, the normal drone of life.
Recently, I have been surprised by a wave of sneak emotions. I tend to take advantage of the reliability of my "feels" - generally happy, generally optimistic, and generally a little slowed down after a string of cloudy days. These sneaker emotions came like a sucker punch in the gut. They appeared with zero warning yet invaded with optimal force. I despise the general feeling of sadness and often am guilty of covering them up with happiness (fake it till you make it, right?).
I have felt this set of sneaker emotions before and I hoped to not feel them again. A large portion of disappointment, an unhealthy pressure, a tinge of sadness, a darkening discouragement. When these sneaker emotions left me the last time, I remember pleading that I would not feel them again. I shook my finger at God and declared I was not strong enough to endure a second round.
It is tempting to cave to the popular idea that I have to be ok/fine/good. I believe the more courageous decision, however, is to allow oneself to feel all the feels sometimes.
And so today I decide to be brave. It takes far more courage to look these emotions in the eye and actually process and plunge deeper to the heart of their meaning than shoveling fake happiness over them. Growth is not easy and the adventure of experiencing the growing pains is rarely comfortable - but He who calls on the journey is faithful. Oh, He is faithful!
I was never created to be depressed, guilty, condemned, ashamed, or unworthy. I was created to be victorious. Victory does not mean never experiencing those feelings but it does mean I will have to look them in the eye and declare that in the end they do not have power over me.

I conclude with a quote by Edward Vernon Rickenbacker: "Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you are scared."
So today, though I am afraid, I will feel all the feels coursing through my veins. I will feel them, face them, and conquer them.
Today, though I am afraid, I will put my trust in Him who feels the feels with me but is the author of all peace and joy and fulfillment.

Fifty Shades of Grey: Musings.

I recently began plunging my way through the sometimes scandalous pages of Fifty Shades of Grey. This book more than any other I've read makes me feel like I need to justify my reasons for reading it due to the controversial reputation it has, especially in Christian circles. I will quickly summarize by stating that I simply believe it valuable to establish a personal opinion about this book so that I can participate and be informed in the conversations it spurs among my peers.

Though I am only halfway through the book, my opinions thus far are frustrated. The main character, Ana, is infatuated with her counterpart, Grey. Ana is innocent and inexperienced whereas Grey is filled with devilish tricks. Having known each other a short time, Grey presents Ana with a contract she must sign and obey exactly if she wants to be in a relationship with him. I scoff using the term "in a relationship" to describe what Grey wants from Ana.

If Ana agrees to this relationship contract, she must surrender everything about herself to him - her body, her mind, and her spirituality. She must make herself available to him at his every whim. She must sacrifice her friends and any sense of normalcy. She would no longer be able to make decisions for herself, think independently, or even wear the clothes she wants. She cannot even keep her name, but will rather be known to Grey as "The Submissive" (similarly, Grey would become "The Dominant"). If she agrees to Grey's terms, she will no longer be permitted to look him in the eye or touch him unless on command. The contract demands everything from her, but it is posed in such a way as to seem that it is for her benefit. She will be allowed to explore herself and her desires in a freer and safer manner.

I have yet to read to discover if Ana agrees, but I can only assume she does sign the contract and surrender every part of herself since there are three books in the series. The reader is held privy to the angst Ana has over this life-altering decision. Her wavering beliefs cause me to want to reach through the pages and shake sense into her. It seems obvious to an outsider that this contract will not benefit her life like Grey claims but rather will destroy every sense of well-being she once enjoyed.

I am judging Ana fiercely for even considering surrendering her soul to this man and struggling with the implied consequences.Though I have not had time to read to the point of the signing of the contract, I have had plenty of time to mull over the contents of the book.While solving linear equations in a dark and cramped room in my college, a thought hit me.

To what do I daily (and often willingly) surrender myself?

The first thing that comes to mind is fear. I allow fear to have power over physical aspects of my life, over my mind, over my well-being, and over my spirituality. Fear prevents me from living the abundant life I am offered in Christ. Instead of submitting myself to Christ, I obtained the title "Submissive" under Fear the Dominant. When I surrender to fear, I sacrifice the ability to make confident decisions and think independently apart from that domineering voice. In short, I am guilty of committing the same act for which I am judging Ana. I surrender myself to beings who want only to destroy and control me, fear and shame. They are quite the controlling duo when given reigning power. I allow their lies to take hold, the ones that tell me I am not enough. Not good enough, not fit enough, not smart enough, not Christ-like enough, not worthy enough, the list goes on. If I dwell on these lies, they lead to believing I am not acceptable enough to draw near to my Savior, look into His eyes, and be near enough to touch Him for Him to alleviate the fear and shame.

Though I use my fear and shame as a covering, they leave me vulnerable. I believe there is hurt in God's voice as he prods me out from my blanket of fear:
Who told you that you are not enough?
Who told you that you were ugly?
Who told you that your dream was foolish?
Who told you that I would not satisfy?
Who told you there is something you need outside of Me?

In Christ, I am not vulnerably dressed in my fear and shame. They hold no power other than what I give them.

"He has clothed me with the garments of salvation; He has covered me with robes of righteousness." 

New Adventures

"God is not only a God of the unexpected call, but also the unexpected fulfillment. When God gives the unexpected call do not run from it or ignore it. With the challenge comes fulfillment. Answer the unexpected call. Embrace the unexpected challenge. Rejoice in the unexpected fulfillment." (The words of a wise chapel speaker at Toccoa Falls College.)

One week from today I begin a new and unexpected adventure. I call it unexpected because had someone told me six months ago where I would be today I most certainly would not have believed them. Six months ago I had a stable plan for my life, though I was not overly excited about it (and we all know they saying about "the best laid plans often go astray"). I planned to move to school in Georgia for four years, get a solid education and achieve a degree, and find someone with whom to spend the remainder of my years. We would then live happily ever after traveling the world, drinking coffee, wearing TOMS, and reading inspiring books.

My four year stay in Georgia, however, turned into a four month stay that taught me more than I ever imagined. It taught me how to open my heart and my arms to those around me in order to establish a deep level of community. I learned that, though not always comfortable, in order to form such deep relationships certain levels of vulnerability and accountability are required. I know this will serve me well in my future as I continue to seek to create and grow relationships.

I had a glorified view of attending a private school and moving away from home, but an enhanced outlook is rarely realistic and things are not always as one imagines.

I determined how to make decisions (both serious and trivial) for myself which, as an indecisive person, can prove to be a very challenging task. While seeking to make the decision on my own to transfer to a school closer to home, I learned to seek God in a way that I had not done in the past yet confidently move forward.

A few months before leaving for Georgia when an attractive and Christ-loving Coast Guardsmen caught my eye in church, I told myself (and almost everyone around me) that anything more than being acquaintences would be impossible due to our age difference and varying life experience. I quickly realized in Georgia as this relationship blossomed that the word "impossible" needed to be eliminated from my vocabulary. Many months later, this Coastie has completely stolen my heart and I would have it no other way. (This also goes to show, "Never say never.")

I learned that God can use even my areas of glaring weaknesses for his glory.

I expected to learn great things in Georgia, but the greatest lessons were those that were unexpected. This, too, goes for adventures. I expected the adventures involved with moving but the ones that will stay in my heart and continue to bring joy are the ones that I did not see coming and took me by surprise. This is why I look forward to my new adventure starting one week from today. Though I expect it in general terms, I know that chances are I am not yet aware of the grand ones that will catch me off guard and be the most memorable. Many adventures will sneak up on me, some might shake my world a little bit, and some might make me feel overwhelmed, but those will be the ones to leave the greatest and lasting mark. They will be the ones to etch lessons in my heart, to strengthen me, to help me grow, and help me to see life from a new perspective.

I believe God not only gives the unexpected call but also beckons the brave on unexpected adventures. The One who calls on the adventures is faithful and offers unexpected fulfillment for those with hearts willing to accept the challenge.

Here's to Adventures!

A Lover of All Things Good

In this period of struggle between adolescence and adulthood the question “Who are you?” is constantly being posed or implied, both by myself and by others. In a season of change, eloquently answering this question can prove to be a daunting task. When not over-analyzed by my sometimes critical self-evaluations, the answer is summarized in the overly simple phrase “I am a lover of good.”

I am a lover of God, who above all is good and faithful. He provides the good things that make my heart smile and my soul sing.

I am a lover of family. This includes not just the family into which I was born but also the family I have been blessed to choose through friendship. Family provides a community, a sharpening of one another, and warm embraces to share.

I am a lover of coffee and books and sun shiney days. I am a lover of cozy blankets and fragrant candles, of my puppy, and of yoga. I am a tea-drinking lover of sentimentality and laughter, of the warmth of the ocean and beauty of the mountains. I am a lover of travel, of beauty, and of explorations and adventures.

Though I am lover of all things good, I often forget the many reasons I have to choose joy. I become preoccupied with life’s little conundrums and let their trivialities consume my heart. I search my heart for a reason to sing yet countless reasons stand before me if I would simply open my eyes to glimpse their beautiful goodness.

I dedicate this blog to celebrating the good things in life. To continue in my identity as a lover of good I must remember the good things that bring my heart to life. Every day poses a new reason to sing even if it involves finding joy in the little things, such as a delicious brew of coffee or completing an assignment. My heart will find reasons to sing to God, who is always loving, always faithful, and most certainly always good. If I cannot rejoice in the Giver of good things then how can I rejoice in the gifts he pours into my life?

May this be the year of finding things to be passionate about and pursuing them, of having the courage to dream big, spreading kindness, loving with all my heart, facing the unknown with confidence, and rejoicing in the little things. Good things are in store for those who have eyes open wide to see them.